Ryan Priest

I’ve voted Rebecca Long-Bailey for Labour leader, and Dawn Butler for deputy, because I find them both to be pure fucking class is that okay with you?

If you let the Jamie Oliver of football create his own club you best believe he’ll call it Club Internacional de Fútbol Miami.

Forever overwhelmed by the amount of people who take selfies at the dentist’s: the only known evidence I’ll accept of anyone genuinely being cooler than me.

I’m on a park bench sharing a packet of crisps with a squirrel.

Do any Brexiters want to help crowdfund my upcoming cinema trip to see Parasite? Bung a bob for a Bong Joon-ho?

I’ve always loved a song that has a bit where it sounds like the door’s been closed on it. You can achieve the effect yourself by playing any song off your phone’s speaker and sticking it in your mouth.

What kind of sick country keeps a royal family in place so far beyond its sell-by date that even its own members start voluntarily stepping back?

I skate across the grease-laden floor of KFC for the first time in over ten years for a vegan burger and they’re fucking out of them, the small-time, bandwagony, mass-murdering dipshits.

First day back in the office after two weeks out has me entering the building’s key code like it’s Dr Kawashima's Brain Training.

“Metropolitan bubble” residents are told not to patronise those who aren’t rich but still vote Tory, as if it isn’t far more patronising to politely pretend they’re not repeatedly smashing the ball into the back of their own net.

My mum’s hooked on an idyllic Netflix series where the characters make lots of s’mores and sing country songs with the gardener from Desperate Housewives. He’s aged well.

What made UK voters shrug off economic concerns over Brexit before contorting to exaggerate them during the General Election? Racism? 100%.

Almost everyone in my life voted to end social injustice this election. The rest, hand on heart, are not compatible with my life going forward. Thanks to Jezza and that Labour campaign, this is me now. Stay strong, the Global Left. Love will win out.

If anyone else in the world is, like me, astonished by Harry Styles’ new accent, please get in touch. Never heard anything like it.

Completely gone at the third example there. https://twitter.com/AustinDarbo/status/1194020227849302018 …

It’s £3.99 and tastes of nothing.

Delice de France, the overpriced yet bang average enfant terrible of train station dining, has finally joined the vegan sausage party.

This blew my mind at first but then when you think about it “Jolene” is the kind of thing any of us could quickly spunk out, I reckon. Dolly’s answer to “Rehab” by Amy Winehouse.https://twitter.com/replikate/status/1186722245781028864 …